DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few months now, and I have noticed that she has a habit of gossiping about her own friends to her other friends. This behavior has been bothering me and makes me feel uneasy.
I cannot help but feel that it is wrong and disrespectful to her friends. I understand that gossip is common, but I believe that sharing information about others without their consent is not ethical. I am worried that if she can do this to her friends, she could do it to me as well.
How can I talk to her about this in a way that will not cause a rift in our relationship?
Stop Gossiping
DEAR STOP GOSSIPING: What you are witnessing is who she is. As Maya Angelou so astutely advised, when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
You have to decide if you want to be with someone who eventually will start talking about you. Gossips gossip — about everyone. You can talk to her about it if you want, but what will likely happen is she will just gossip outside your earshot.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am taking summer classes and working this summer to advance my studies and make some money. While I am proud of myself for using my time in ways that will benefit me in the future, I feel a bit left out from my friends.
Most of them do not have any obligations this summer except for having fun, so they hang out constantly. They invite me to meet up, but often I have conflicting obligations or am just too tired to go out after a full day of school and work. I have a big fear of missing out, and I am worried that I might fall behind on my responsibilities so I can spend time with my friends.
Do you have any tips for time management or communication with my friends as to why I cannot see them?
I do not want them to think I am blowing them off or that they should stop inviting me. What should I do?
Work School Friends
DEAR WORK SCHOOL FRIENDS: Welcome to the real world. You are facing exactly what adults face every day, trying to strike a balance between work, life responsibilities and fun. It is never easy, but it is necessary.
Congratulations on taking on extra classes and work. This is excellent for your future, as you described.
To avoid FOMO (to the best of your ability), let your friends know what days and times you are free. Since they are fluid in their scheduling, you might have to remind them. Don’t feel hurt if they don’t remember, and don’t get despondent. Just keep chiming in when you have time to be with them.
Make sure you have carved out enough time to care for yourself and tend to your duties. You will also have to accept that you will never be able to do everything that others do, and that’s all right. You will not be missing out on what your own future has in store for you.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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