DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a bar with a couple of friends and ran into my ex. It was my first time seeing him since we stopped talking completely, and I was anxious about it.
One of my friends knew everything that had happened between us but did not know what my ex looked like. I told her that I would let her know which one he was when we were about to leave. We were all tipsy and I did not want to have to talk to him.
As we were about to leave, she guessed which one he was. I realized right before we got to the door that she was not with us. I saw her talking and giggling with him. I was immediately furious and had to get her away from him. In a fit of anger, I yelled at her when we left.
I know she did not have any bad intentions, but I wanted her to understand that she should not have gone up to him. I feel bad about scolding her and do not want to lose her friendship, but I am still upset about this. How should I go about a calm conversation with her?
Friend Talking To Ex
DEAR FRIEND TALKING TO EX: When sober, sit with your friend. Apologize for yelling at her. Acknowledge that you all were tipsy. Point out that you remain upset that she would talk to your ex without your blessing. Ask her why she would do such a thing.
Find out if she understands why you are angry. Tell her you want to stay friends, but you hope she will respect your boundaries in the future.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who came to stay with me at my home during the workweek. I work remotely. While she was here, she made a lot of random and annoying remarks about my job.
She repeatedly pointed out how many meetings I attend and expressed how she would never have a job that requires attending as many meetings as mine does.
What makes this situation worse is that she is currently unemployed and has never had a remote job before. I ended up snapping at her and pointing out the fact that she doesn’t even have a job, so she doesn’t have the footing to criticize someone else’s.
Our relationship has been weird ever since. Was I wrong?
Get a Job
DEAR GET A JOB: Look at the situation for what it’s worth. How easy is it to criticize something when you have nothing of your own? Your friend may be jealous. She certainly is unconscious of your reality. Time may heal this relationship.
More, you need to create boundaries around visits since you work from home. Even when people respect your work, it may be difficult for you to concentrate and host at the same time. Consider having guests only when you are off the clock so that you eliminate the pressure of having to manage them and your job, too.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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