DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of six years left me five months ago for another woman. We were engaged to be married this year.
After he left, I discovered that for the last two years he had been seeing this woman behind my back. It was devastating.
We are expecting quadruplets in about four months, and he all of a sudden abandoned me and our babies. It has been a big shock.
Am I normal for feeling devastated, angry, mad and hateful all at the same time? And is it normal for me to want my ex to give me the closure I and his babies deserve so that I can move on with my life alone? What advice do you have for me?
SUFFERING IN IOWA
DEAR SUFFERING: You have my deepest sympathy. Your feelings are normal, and you have good reason for your anger and outrage.
Your next “step” should be into the office of an attorney who will help ensure that the boyfriend who abandoned you will support his four babies into adulthood. Because you are linked to him for the next 18 years, you cannot have total closure, but this would be a giant leap in the right direction.
DEAR ABBY: There is a man I am completely, madly in love with. The issue is, he likes to drink — a lot.
The only thing he wants to do when he’s not sleeping or working is drink. His health is rapidly deteriorating, and he lost his license for 10 years because of drinking and driving.
Last weekend, when I was with him, we stopped at a gas station. He was so drunk he couldn’t even pull up to the pump but just parked in the middle of the lane. When I told him he was too drunk to be driving, he drove off and left me standing at the gas station and hasn’t spoken to me since. I guess that’s how he decided to end our relationship.
He needs to get help, and that’s why I’m writing you. He reads your column every single day and never, ever misses it.
I love him. He is my He-Man and the best man I have ever met when he’s not drinking.
I’m asking you to please let him know he will always have my heart, that my love for him is unconditional and endless, and I will be praying for him. Please urge him to get the help he needs before it is too late. Thank you for helping him. I’m sure it will make a difference.
HIS GIRL IN MISSOURI
DEAR ‘GIRL’: I am sorry you are hurting, but if you step back, you may accept that, as ugly a way as your boyfriend chose to end your relationship, it may have been a lifesaving favor to you.
Nowhere in your letter did you say that he (as wonderful as he may be when sober) has tried to overcome his addiction to alcohol. Until he recognizes how dangerous his behavior is and decides to do something about it, nothing will change, and your community is unsafe with this drunk behind the wheel. He may need rehab or Alcoholics Anonymous, but until he recognizes it and reaches out for help, his behavior won’t change.
You, however, might benefit from attending Al-Anon meetings (al-anon.org/info). If you do, you will meet others who are also involved with alcoholics. It’s obvious to me that you need all the emotional support you can get, and you can find it there.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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