DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are vaccinated, boosted and get flu shots annually. We know COVID is still lurking and we are not reckless, but we have resumed many of our pre-pandemic activities. We don’t wear masks, but respect those who do. If we are not feeling well, we stay in and stay away from others.
We invited another couple to our house for dinner. We had not seen them since before the pandemic began, and in the ensuing time, the husband had had a serious medical issue (unrelated to COVID) that left him very immunocompromised. While he is still somewhat cautious, he said he is out of the woods, is not worried about getting sick and is ready to resume a social life.
When we extended the invite, we confirmed several times, via phone and text, that they were comfortable socializing in our home. We offered to change to an outdoor venue or postpone the dinner if they were at all hesitant about visiting.
They expressed no concerns, so we were surprised when they both showed up at our door wearing N95 masks.
We awkwardly asked if they wanted us to wear masks as well (never mind that I’m not sure we could have found any, had they said yes). They both said no, it was fine.
The husband took his mask on and off throughout the evening, but the wife never removed hers, except to eat. She seemed very upset and almost rude during the visit. They left early.
Afterward, my wife and I discussed that perhaps we should have worn masks even though they told us not to — maybe they were just being polite? No one got sick, but it is still bugging me because I’m not sure if we did anything wrong. What are the correct manners in this situation?
GENTLE READER: Although you and your wife are correct in realizing that your guests expected you to do more, their behavior was based on a mistaken notion about etiquette that you seem to share.
By assuring you at every stage that nothing more needed to be done, your guests acted foolishly. And demonstrating anger when you conformed your behavior to what they said — rather than reading their minds — was rude.
But it was all so unnecessary. Miss Manners assures you that none of the following would have been rude: agreeing that it would be better to hold the event outdoors; postponing; even accepting your offer at the door to wear masks. If only they had picked one of those options.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the fairest way to divide up an office when several colleagues’ daughters sell cookies?
GENTLE READER: By not selling cookies in the office. Miss Manners suspects you meant “fair” to apply to the budding entrepreneurs and their sponsors (also sometimes called “parents”), but she prefers to apply it to the equally hardworking staff.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
#guests #fine